Ohio Bronies - Forums

Peanut Bucker is best pony.

You are not logged in.

#1 2012-08-16 00:24:54

Protopony
I want to eat your hat

Short Fan Fic. A Soft Darkness (Kinda Grimdark) UPDATED AFTER 2 YEARS!

WARNING! THE FOLLOWING STORY IS DARK, AND KIND OF GORY!




A Soft Darkness.

Told by Vinyl Scratch

Written by Protopony

------------------------------------------------------------------------

People sometimes ask me what color my eyes are. Most people seem to expect a piercing red or a soft purple.

Why do i hide them? Why do i always have these silly glasses on?

I was just a filly at the time. I was separated from my parents at a festival. A music festival. I loved music festivals. I still do, but this was my last for a long time.

I was looking for my parents when i saw him. A tall thin pale pony. He had dark rings under his eyes, and a cutie mark that looked like a scalpel.

"Are you lost little filly?" He asked

I answered "Yes". I thought he was a doctor or something with that cutie mark.

I followed him. A mistake i have always regretted.

He slowly led me away from the festival. He kept telling me not to fall behind and that he was going to help me.

We arrived at an old shack hidden behind the festival grounds. I tried to run, but he grabbed me. He forced me in.

I was awake the entire time.

He took a shiny new scalpel out of a drawer. He tied me to a table.

Then the pain. I felt him take the left one. Then the right.

Then darkness.

He left the shack. Left me to die.

I was found the next day. Bleeding and broken.

Its been years, but i still have the nightmares.

So you want to know what color my eyes are?

I can't remember. Ask the Pony who has them.

Last edited by Protopony (2014-08-17 18:36:36)


I want to eat your hat i tell ya what

Offline

#2 2012-08-16 00:27:18

obcom
Hero

Re: Short Fan Fic. A Soft Darkness (Kinda Grimdark) UPDATED AFTER 2 YEARS!

This reminds me of something I once read

Offline

#3 2012-08-16 00:32:04

Csquared08
Sing my song and become nothing.

Re: Short Fan Fic. A Soft Darkness (Kinda Grimdark) UPDATED AFTER 2 YEARS!

That was a nice, very short story. I feel it has a lot of potential if you expand on it a little more. Not necessarily the gory aspects, but the parts leading up to it and the parts after it. This idea has the makings of a solid story. As it stands now, though, it just seems too short. It feels... incomplete, if you know what I mean.


"If all I care about in life is the imprints I make in this world, then the most I'll ever leave is a grave." - Lyra, Background Pony
Flutterlicious_Banner_Csquared08_Gift.png

Offline

#4 2012-08-16 00:35:05

Protopony
I want to eat your hat

Re: Short Fan Fic. A Soft Darkness (Kinda Grimdark) UPDATED AFTER 2 YEARS!

Csquared08 wrote:

That was a nice, very short story. I feel it has a lot of potential if you expand on it a little more. Not necessarily the gory aspects, but the parts leading up to it and the parts after it. This idea has the makings of a solid story. As it stands now, though, it just seems too short. It feels... incomplete, if you know what I mean.


I know what you mean, and i may expand on it later.

This was originally a submission in a story rolling thread on Ponychan, so the stories had to be short.


I want to eat your hat i tell ya what

Offline

#5 2012-08-16 00:39:26

Csquared08
Sing my song and become nothing.

Re: Short Fan Fic. A Soft Darkness (Kinda Grimdark) UPDATED AFTER 2 YEARS!

Protopony wrote:
Csquared08 wrote:

That was a nice, very short story. I feel it has a lot of potential if you expand on it a little more. Not necessarily the gory aspects, but the parts leading up to it and the parts after it. This idea has the makings of a solid story. As it stands now, though, it just seems too short. It feels... incomplete, if you know what I mean.


I know what you mean, and i may expand on it later.

This was originally a submission in a story rolling thread on Ponychan, so the stories had to be short.

Ahhhhh, that makes sense. Anyhow, let me know if you ever expand on it. I'd be interested to know where you take this.


"If all I care about in life is the imprints I make in this world, then the most I'll ever leave is a grave." - Lyra, Background Pony
Flutterlicious_Banner_Csquared08_Gift.png

Offline

#6 2014-08-17 18:36:01

Protopony
I want to eat your hat

Re: Short Fan Fic. A Soft Darkness (Kinda Grimdark) UPDATED AFTER 2 YEARS!

Well it's been about 2 years. but I finally rewrote this as a full story.


http://www.fimfiction.net/story/211129/ … re-my-eyes


I want to eat your hat i tell ya what

Offline

Quick reply

Write your message and submit

Board footer

Powdered by FluxBB